The importance of this topic can be understood by noting that most churches could double, perhaps triple, their size by only reclaiming the members they have lost. The “spiritual death rate” among disciples in all countries and in all ages has been too high --- the loss of one human soul is too much. But it is clear that such losses have been greater at some periods of church history than others. This is a time of high losses. What a dreary exercise it is for most older Christians to reminisce about onetime brothers and sisters.
We are wise to study the means of reclaiming the wayward. The eternal reward is promised only to those who are faithful until death (2 Timothy 4:7-8; Revelation 2:10). But the loss is not confined to errant brethren alone. The church suffers too, a double loss, in fact. It is deprived of the strength that absent brothers and sisters could have given, and Christians who remain are demoralized and probably less effective.
But precisely what do we mean by "wayward” brethren? We are not referring to those who are just weak in the faith as may be true of new converts. These we are taught to receive, strengthen, and not discourage by arguing about their unlearned opinions (Romans 14:1). Nor do we mean a disciple who momentarily stumbles, but regains his spiritual balance and continues to grow. Rather, we refer to those whom we colloquially say have “quit the church.” This down-home expression is apt because it means almost exactly what Paul spoke of in Hebrews 10:25 as “forsaking the assembly.” These Hebrew disciples had stopped coming to worship because they feared persecution. The phrase “manner of some” indicates that their absence was habitual and repeated.
Another type of wayward disciple, while not forsaking the assembly; is “devoted to sin.” That is the meaning of the word “sinner” in James 5:19-20. James was not speaking of those outside the church. He said, “Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.”
The fornicator in the Corinthian church (1 Corinthians 5) is an example of this type. That brother did not want to leave the church or stop his sins. He and those who sided with him were arrogant, apparently justifying the fornication by arguing that they had a greater knowledge of God. Paul ordered the man disfellowshipped to humble him and give him incentive to clean up his life. Fortunately the discipline worked and the man was restored (2 Corinthians 2:6-8).
But as puzzling as the question is, I do not think we should get hung up on why humans do things. To do so can distract us from what the wayward need to do to get back on track. The causes of human behavior are always complex. We may not know, and the sinner may not know, why he behaves as he does. But we always know the answer to the most important question, which is, “What must he do to he forgiven?” The answer here is to truly repent of sins and sincerely pray God for forgiveness (Acts 8:22).
Even though I am convinced of the facts presented in the preceding paragraph, it is often possible to place wayward Christians in one of three categories:
- 1) Those who are going to the world,
2) those who are going away from the church, and
3) those who are led astray.
Damas is an example of the first category (2 Timothy 4:10). A companion Of the apostle Paul, Demas seems to have backslidden, not out of unbelief but because of his love for the easy life. Paul said, “Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world...“ He seems to have wanted to have it both ways, but finally realized he had to make a choice. Demas represents those who were once devoted to the Lord but become weak. Of course, there are those who leave the church because they were never securely attached. They often do it with a lighter, almost casual, heart. John described some who “went out from us” because they really never were “of us” (1 John 2:19).
The second category includes disciples whose motivation is not so much attraction to the world as repulsion from the church. Their alienation may be because they were embittered by strife, personally offended, or have chafed at restrictions placed on their behavior by the congregation. Although the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) was probably not intended by Jesus primarily to represent this type, the prodigal son does fit the type in certain particulars. Originally this young man was not, I believe, a bad sort. But he did have a rebellions streak and his older brother aggravated that tendency. I picture him as resenting the rules of the home, arguing with his grouchy older brother, and eventually deciding “this place is not for me.” Then he wanted to put as much distance as possible between himself and the home. I am sure there were honky-tonks nearby where he could have lived it up, but he chose a “far country.”
This young man’s. lesson was bitter. While it was true that the older brother was mean-spirited and probably glad to see his younger sibling go, junior soon learned that, all its human flaws not-withstanding, the father’s house is a lot better place than the world. The most important thing he learned was to stop blaming his departure on others and to take responsibility for his sins. When he “came to himself” he said, “I have sinned.”
Congregational leaders should examine the reasons disciples like this leave. Another’s fault never justified our sins, but blame is not necessarily a singular thing. The father in Jesus’ parable reached out to both his sons, suggesting that neither was all he should be. Specifically, we should give attention to bringing out the best, not aggravating the worst, in disciples like the younger brother. This will benefit everyone. There is no guarantee that disciples like the older brother will be saved unless they change their ways. Physically leaving the church is not the only way to be lost.
The third type of backslider is led astray. And there have been so many of these through the years. Peter said, “But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you.” (2 Peter 2:1). How true that prophecy has proven to be! From the prophets of Baal in the Old Testament to the Humanists of our day, there has never been a shortage of false doctrines or false prophets. Nor do they have to be preposterous outsiders such as wild-eyed cult leaders. Paul said, “Of your own selves shall men arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away disciples after them” (Acts 20:30). And how true that prophecy has proven to be! The great restoration movement probably could have filled the earth by now if it had not lost so much strength and had to use so much time defending against innovations. No wonder John said that we should not invite such people in or bid them God speed (2 John 10).
I am not in favor of religious witch-hunts, and I do not believe we should cut a good brother off every time he gets a hair-brained idea or makes a misstep After all, even Jezebel was as given “space to repent” (Revelation 2:21). But I am very clear that we do not gain by making serious truck with those who practice false doctrine.
- (1) A change of mind about sin,
(2) sorrow for sins, and
(3) hearty amendment of ones ways
The preceding definition shows that repentance is intellectual (a change of convictions about what it is --- sin), emotional (sorrow for one’s sins) and behavioral (a change in the way one lives his life). Thus, repentance is a turn around of the total person. The definition also gives guidelines about where and how to start to work with the wayward.
First, if one truly does not know that the behavior in question is sinful, as frequently is the case with new converts, what is needed is instruction in love. Rebuke, before conviction of sin, is discouraging. And instruction is more than just telling one his behavior is wrong. One must be “fully persuaded in his own mind” (Romans 14:5), a process that is not instantaneous with thoughtful persons.
My observation is that many preachers and church leaders have a range of only two responses toward sinful behaviors in the church: they either ignore it or “go for the jugular.” Both responses are wrong. Ignoring sinful behavior on the front end makes it harder to correct later on. On the other hand, if the initial approach is a harsh attack, recipients are often angered and hardened.
Second, when one is convicted of his sins, the normal result is to feel sorry for them, and that emotional pain can be used to bring about necessary changes in behavior. The prospect of forgiveness and restoration is very appealing to the penitent heart. After conviction of his sin with Bathsheba, David said, “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit” (Psalms 51:12).
If a Christian knows he has sinned but seems to feel no remorse, that is the place to concentrate our efforts. Our society does not like the idea of guilt, but one should feel sorry for sins. The root meaning of the word repentance is “pain.” Remorse can often be aroused by talking about who sin hurts. One can point out that even God is hurt by man’s sins. God’s grief over human waywardness is described in several passages (cf. Psalms 95: 10; Hebrews 3:10, 17).
The vision of God grieving surprises many Christians because we know He is omnipotent, and we wrongly conclude that means incapable of being hurt. For this reason we imagine God’s only responses to human sins are anger and punishment. But being hurt is often more related to how much one loves than to strength. Parents should be able to understand this concept. They can be hurt more by their children than by the strongest foe. Since God, our Father, loves more perfectly than humans, I assume He can also experience hurt more perfectly than humans. In addition, sin always hurts those nearest and dearest to the sinner. There is ample evidence that even secret sins are damaging. One way this works is that the sinner must be so guarded to keep the secret that his relationships with those from whom he is hiding become sterile and often die.
But perhaps our greatest failures are in dealing with the behavioral changes required by repentance. Promoting the intellectual and emotional aspects is often easy compared to bringing about changes in life and behavior. Those who deal with alcoholics know that an addict’s conviction that drinking is harmful will not necessarily keep his hand from reaching for a bottle. It is time we begin thinking about sin as an addiction, which it is (cf. John 8:34). When we understand it this way, we will know that our work is only partly done when a wayward brother or sister makes a confession of wrongs and is restored to fellowship. After a confession is taken, a discussion should follow regarding what types of support the Christian needs in order to stay safe.
An important and often overlooked aspect of behavioral change is making reparation for the sins one has committed. This Biblical concept is important because it requires one to engage in behaviors that are opposite those used in committing the sin—right behaviors instead of wrong ones. And it hooks the reward of restoration to behaviors that should be practiced all of the time. Thus, when one repents of a lie, he should rectify, as much a possible, the damage of the lie. If one has stolen money he should repay it. An unfaithful spouse should sit down with the faithful wife or husband and figure out what will make amends and set about doing it. The reparation should be aimed at reversing the behaviors of the sins. For example, the husband who fell into sin while working alone intimate hours with his secretary should get a new assistant and revise his work schedule.
In many cases one cannot precisely undo the hurt of his wrongs, but the concept is still valid An adult who has sexually abused a child cannot give her back her innocence; but he can apologize on his knees in the presence of witnesses. And he can begin paying into a trust fund for her college or therapy, which she will likely need because of his sins. If these measures sound extreme, they are the best ways that hard-headed therapists have found to inhibit impulses toward child molestation. Consider, too, that they are no more extreme than the repentance in “sack cloth and ashes” that was common in Old Testament times. Perhaps the reason we have had difficulty in promoting true repentance is that we have been too easy. We must understand the difference between repentance and just getting people back into church.
Because of its importance, we sometimes question how we can show love to erring Christians. But I do not think that is the place to start. If we have love, we will not have to worry much about showing it. Jesus said, “By this shall all men know that ye are My disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:35). One who is loved generally knows it, and so do others.
The place to start is in checking ourselves to make sure our love for the wayward disciple has not grown cold. Frequently, when a brother violates what we know is right, we allow ourselves to get angry with him. Then our dealings with him are more reflective of that repelling emotion than of love. Paul implied that a period of mourning must precede the disfellowshipment of a brother (1 Corinthians 5:2). Perhaps the reason for this was that the church’s active grief over the brother’s sins will likely assure that the discipline is done with the right attitude.
If we find our love for an erring Christian has waned, we should revive it before approaching him about his sins. That can be done by actively reflecting on how it was when we felt good toward him, changing the unloving thoughts and statements we are engaging in to loving, and mourning his loss.
All of the themes important to repentance are illustrated in Nathan’s work with David regarding his sin with Bathsheha (2 Samuel 12:1-14). In addition to maneuvering David into condemning himself, Nathan emphasized the unfairness of the sin, probably because David had suffered unjustly in the past under Saul and knew how it felt. He talked of David’s betrayal of God’s goodness and the consequences of David’s sin on his family. And he spoke of the shame such an act had brought on Israel in the eyes of the people. All of those consequences are true of sins today and can be used to turn sinners around so that they do not have to suffer the worst consequence of all --- the eternal torment of hell.
Finally, we should keep in mind that the wayward themselves must make the ultimate decision. There are better and worse ways of working with people, and we should spare not to find the best ones. Every soul we approach is worth every effort we can make. But when Jesus stands before the door of the human heart and knocks for entrance; its owner must open it willingly and invite Him in.
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